The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
