He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
