I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
