he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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