I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Terrible idea I love it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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