everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
