and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
