do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
