if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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