We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
