Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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