I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well you can't waste a boner
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
