can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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