The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
