Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
