Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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