when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
