If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize