Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
