I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
