Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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