White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
