i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
