And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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