Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
