she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
did i just pee glitter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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