I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
