just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
