shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
