Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
