Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
