youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
