That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have post one night stand depression
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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