I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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