So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
