Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
