i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
