Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
