my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
