Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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