dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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