too bad you live with your parents still
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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