he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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