what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
