You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
