omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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