I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
