remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
