just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
