I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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