just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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