btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
