Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
