well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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