Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
