At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
