I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
