ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
