Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
