the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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