i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
