dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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