there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My feet surprised me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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