maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
