you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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