508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
