3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize