He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
