ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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